Are we ever really prepared for what an adult future may bring to our autistic kiddos?  I’m an inveterate planner, but really you always wonder – at least I do.  Yesterday’s doctor visit with J. brought up the topic when the meds prescribing neuropsych ran down a rather banal template of questions on whole life issues to be considered, as part of a holistic clinical practice.

The big picture directions and issues for me are pretty set, although we have a few months more before it’s tactic time.  My kids will need some form of adult day program setting and the path has a few more options for J. in particular.   I also know plenty of what I don’t know – which is, I don’t know much about the residential component – since I’ve kicked the can down the road a bit in deciding that I want my guys to live with us at home for at least 5-10 more years.

A seminar I once attended by my local DDS office really pushed residential settings more than job or day programs as being the first priority for a happy adult life. – But during these snow-delayed days when schedules are so jumbled, when Mom is solo handling both parents’ tasks and does her usual falling asleep at 8:30 pm because she’s exhausted for burning the work candle at both ends – my guys fall back on their most loved pastimes.  J’s basement spandex swing.   W’s computer.  And of course our refrigerators that are raided so readily when Mom is asnooze.  Even thinking about taking them away from the boy seems unfair, when they have so few pure loves.

Then again I read other uber-autism moms’ directions on Facebook groups and try to keep an open mind about my own destinations.   The Boston Globe did a piece recently about a mom who started a house to help special needs kiddos transition to independent living.  There’s a similar facility in my town but for me, it hasn’t seemed a great fit since transitioning to an unrelated transition place kind of doesn’t make sense, at least where I’m at. – But it made me reexamine my expectations – as did an extended chat at W’s basketball game last week about other things she’s doing with her Downs kid.

As I watched myself totally jumble the morning routine today – W’s shower done way early so I wouldn’t have a second day in a row where J’s bus beeped while I was sopping wet in my shower uniform (underwear and sports bra) as I was assisting W, leaving me like a freezing drowned rat putting J on the bus – and each boy doing new self-preparedness things for the day, out of order – I’m mindful that sometimes the best thing about preparedness is being able to violate the known order and just go with the day. – It all worked out, actually quite successfully, as most of the time it does.    A lesson there?  Yes – and a sigh of relief as I context-switch into the next column of action items on my daily page called Work.  And maybe even the column that says Personal, too.