Today’s the one year anniversary of this blog – a Mother’s Day gift from the hubby, one of his finest.  While more than a little embarrassing that haven’t posted for 3 months – I left life, births and deaths, travel and toil, distract me from this “non-productive”  activity, ie. one I can’t bill to clients, and one that doesn’t clean or grow my kids- I’m here today, in bliss despite the rainy weather.  I’m here! and life is good – even better than a year ago.

My boys are a year older, now age 19, and I’m proud to say they are most definitely more capable than last Mother’s Day, and still happy.  Yes there are issues.   W.  still disrobes, though far less frequently, and more than before is dressing himself in accordance with the rules that we don’t walk in the hall or out of the bathroom without pants.  J.’s vocals still bedevil us and unfortunately his stimmy-ness sometimes spills over into scratching or rubbing himself til he bleeds or blisters.  Neither boy reads or counts reliably, and our pace continues to be measured in baby steps.

Yet a glance at the horizon -when I forget the date, and remember what tasks were like just a few months ago -says PROGRESS in bold letters.

W’s spelling of his 9-letter last name (that could win a Scrabble game with all its unusual letters) at the bank last Friday was stronger than ever.  Thank you V. our most wonderful skills trainer for helping him!

J’s ability to double-tie his shoes nearly independently – excepting for Mom tightening the initial knot – means I can tell him to go get shoes, and it’s done.

Both boys take delight in self-determination.  W. is routinely choosing clothes, shoes and school lunch vs. homemade sandwich.   He even hits me upside the head – literally – like last night when he wants to get my attention for a ‘treat.’   J. chooses his own clothes and many other points in his day.

J. listens even better  – no more lost young man who’d marched all the way to Wildcat C while we were still ascending Wildcat A.  Yet, anyway.

Two weeks ago I heard a remarkable interview of the Vermont woman who received a full face transplant, and the daughter of the donor who made the choice to donate her mother’s face to a stranger.  They spoke of mutually deciding to have a relationship, not knowing where it would take them, but in the spirit of journeys and openness to where they lead us, the recipient simply said “And here we go.”

So that is my mantra today, as I try to stuff 10 pounds of flour into a 5-pound Mother’s Day, as I don’t know if we will find post-age 22 employment that’s meaningful and honoring, that I don’t know if the global business climate will allow me sustained employment to cover the many gaps in therapies and support.   As I try hard to take care of myself along with others.   As I work to live my dreams, while loving and honoring my obligations.

Here we go, readers – here we go!